“Literally” a Lawsuit: Man Sues Dictionary for “Figurative” Definition, Demands Apology (and a Thesaurus)

Claus Family Christmas Party Descends into Chaos: Elves Run Riot, Mrs. Claus Takes Reindeer for a Naked Joyride

Hoskins Wins World Championship in a Cloud of Controversy

Librarians’ Conference Ends in Stunning Silence: A Symphony of Shushes and Unspoken Syllables

Wizards in Tears as Ministry of Magic Bans Mandatory Beards

Hamster Hulkster’s Gym Meltdown! Tiny Rodent Throws a Wobbly Over Lack of “Gnarly Gains”

New Study Reveals That New Studies Often Don’t Show What They Intended to Show (More Research Needed)

Book Review: Timmy and the Strawberry

“Operation Zimmer Frame”: Unmasking the Pensioner Pugilists of Pebblebrook 

Gnome Sweet Gnome: Local Man Claims Garden Gnomes Plotting World Domination (and a Really Killer Rockery)

Gloomchester’s “Raining on My Parade (While I’m Drowning in a Vat of Melancholy)”: A Triumph of Misery, a Masterpiece of Mope

Snowmageddon: The Day Britain Ground to a Halt Over a Light Dusting of the Fluffy Stuff

Onion Union Peels Back the Layers of “Depressing Vegetable” Stereotype

Octo-Champ! Eight-Armed Wonder Punches Way to Flyweight Title

Man Claims to Have Found Lost City of Atlantis… in His Bathtub

Satan Swaps Pitchfork for Whistle: Hell’s Head Honcho Takes on Football Refereeing (and Manchester United Fans)

“Meow is the Time!” Local Cat Sworn in as Mayor After Landslide Victory

Man Claims Pickled Onions and Polka Music Hold the Key to Eternal Life (Doctors Baffled, Onion Sales Soar)

November: A Month of Glorious, Unhinged Festivities!

Iron Deficiency: Village Ironman Race Ends in Mass Disqualification

Zookeeper Ditches Civilization for the Bear Necessities

Little Puddleton’s “Scream Walking Tour”: A Hilarious Hike Through a Hamlet of Harmlessness (Unless You’re an Apple Pie or a Garden Gnome)

“One Star? More Like One Atmosphere!” Martian Tourist Pans Earth in Scathing TripAdvisor Review

Love at First Bite: Local Man Weds Mature Cheddar

SleepTight 5000: A Symphony of Slumber… or a Sonic Nightmare?

Reginald “Rainbow” Rivers Returns From the Astral Plane (and He’s Brought an Album!)

“The Hammer” to Hang Up His Hockey Stick (and Pick Up a Tutu?) Viktor Hammerstein’s Shocking Career Change Leaves Hockey World in Disarray

Man Sues Himself for £1 Million, Demands Court-Ordered Lobotomy to Cure “Pineapple-on-Pizza Psychosis”

Feathered Fury: Pigeons Protest for Crouton Cuisine and Chic Eyewear

“Love” Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry… for a 13-Hour Philosophical Filibuster on Centre Court! Wimbledon in Chaos as Greek Philosophers Redefine “Match Point”!

“Land-Lovers are *********!” Declare Dolphins in Groundbreaking Study

Art Attack! Local Painter Wages War on Consumerism in “Masterpiece of Mayhem”

Chaos in Chigwell: Wedding Goes Bonkers with Bovine Acrobatics and Feline Fiddling

Golfer Snaps! “It’s Just a Stupid Game!” McGregor Quits US Open in Existential Meltdown

Panda-monium in the Digital Age: China Launches Dating App for Loveless Pandas

Breaking News: Squirrel Siege! Train Terror as Nutty Negotiators Hold Passengers Hostage!

Banjo-Playing Fly Becomes Internet Sensation After Viral Poop Video