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“Literally” a Lawsuit: Man Sues Dictionary for “Figurative” Definition, Demands Apology (and a Thesaurus)
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Claus Family Christmas Party Descends into Chaos: Elves Run Riot, Mrs. Claus Takes Reindeer for a Naked Joyride
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Hoskins Wins World Championship in a Cloud of Controversy
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Librarians’ Conference Ends in Stunning Silence: A Symphony of Shushes and Unspoken Syllables
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Wizards in Tears as Ministry of Magic Bans Mandatory Beards
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Hamster Hulkster’s Gym Meltdown! Tiny Rodent Throws a Wobbly Over Lack of “Gnarly Gains”
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New Study Reveals That New Studies Often Don’t Show What They Intended to Show (More Research Needed)
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Socks and Sandals: A Fashion Faux Pas? Poppycock! I Say, Embrace the Toe-Liberating Truth!
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horoscopes
Horrorscopes: A Festive Feast of Fatal Festivities
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Elevated Eats: The Cheese & Pickle Symphony
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Book Review: Timmy and the Strawberry
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“Operation Zimmer Frame”: Unmasking the Pensioner Pugilists of Pebblebrook
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opinions
The Book Burning Bunch: Why Banning Books is About as Sensible as Using a Teapot to Hammer in Nails
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Gnome Sweet Gnome: Local Man Claims Garden Gnomes Plotting World Domination (and a Really Killer Rockery)
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Gloomchester’s “Raining on My Parade (While I’m Drowning in a Vat of Melancholy)”: A Triumph of Misery, a Masterpiece of Mope
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Snowmageddon: The Day Britain Ground to a Halt Over a Light Dusting of the Fluffy Stuff
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Onion Union Peels Back the Layers of “Depressing Vegetable” Stereotype
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Octo-Champ! Eight-Armed Wonder Punches Way to Flyweight Title
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Man Claims to Have Found Lost City of Atlantis… in His Bathtub
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Satan Swaps Pitchfork for Whistle: Hell’s Head Honcho Takes on Football Refereeing (and Manchester United Fans)
The Daily Fruitbat
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