Cheddar, Somerset – In a ceremony that raised more than a few eyebrows, local resident Henry Grated (57) tied the knot with his sweetheart, a mature Cheddar, in a ceremony at the Cheddar Gorge Cheese Company yesterday.

Mr. Grated, a self-proclaimed “turophile” (cheese enthusiast) who, friends say, has always been a bit “mature” for his age, has been in a committed relationship with his cheese companion, whom he affectionately calls “Cheddarlina,” for the past three years. “It was love at first bite,” he explained, with a grin that could rival Cheshire Cheese. “Her creamy texture, her sharp tang, her robust aroma… she’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. Some people might think it’s weird, but I don’t give Edam.”

“I knew I was going to fall in love because I had been to a psychic who read my Parmesan. The moment I met her I knew it was love,” he confided, his eyes twinkling. “So I went over and said ‘Halloumi’.”

The ceremony, officiated by local cheesemaker and Master of Ceremonies, Mr. Curd Whey (who, it must be said, conducted the proceedings with a certain “Paneer”), was attended by a small gathering of friends and family. Notable by their absence were Mr. Grated’s parents, who declared the whole affair “too cheesy” and instead spent the afternoon watching paint dry. The bride, resplendent in a veil of cheesecloth, was walked down the aisle (or rather, the cheese counter) by Mr. Grated’s best Manchego, a somewhat lactose-intolerant gentleman named Barry.

“When he first told me he wanted to marry cheese, I thought he was crackers,” admitted Barry, dabbing at his eyes with a lactose-free handkerchief. “But Henry had been blue for so long, it’s so wonderful to see him feeling so much Feta.”

The reception was a veritable cheeseboard of delights, with guests indulging in a selection of local cheeses, crackers, and a surprisingly delicious cheese-flavored wedding cake (baked by Mr. Grated’s sister, who, somewhat predictably, runs a cake shop called “Have Your Cake and Brie It”). The happy couple, after sharing a romantic first dance to the cheesy classic “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” cut the cake with a ceremonial cheese knife.

As the ceremony concluded, Mr. Whey proclaimed, “You may now kiss the bride,” and Mr. Grated leaned over and gave Cheddarlina a Pecorino. The attendees were heard to say, “Isn’t she beautiful? She is absolutely Gorgonzola.”

“It was the perfect day,” gushed Mr. Grated, his eyes sparkling with joy. “Cheddarlina and I are so happy to finally be officially united. I am so happy I feel like I am walking on Gruyere! We’re looking forward to a long and happy life together, filled with cheese, crackers, and maybe even a few little Babybels.” When asked about their honeymoon plans, Mr. Grated replied, with a wink, “We’re going somewhere with a Gouda view.”

The happy couple then drove off in a “wheely” decorated car, leaving a trail of cheesy confetti in their wake. We wish them all the best in their cheesy union, and hope that their love will never grow mouldy!