Hold onto your hats, music lovers, because Reginald “Rainbow” Rivers, the psychedelic troubadour who vanished into the mists of time (and possibly a haze of pharmaceutical experimentation) back in the swinging sixties, has returned! And he’s brought with him a new album, “Cosmic Crooning from the Astral Plane,” a sonic odyssey that’s as bewildering as it is strangely captivating.

For those unfamiliar with Mr. Rivers, he was a pioneer of psychedelic folk, known for his kaleidoscopic lyrics, his penchant for paisley, and his legendary backstage antics (rumor has it he once rode a unicorn through a hotel lobby while reciting Shakespearean sonnets backwards). After a particularly intense encounter with a batch of “experimental brownies” in 1972, Rivers disappeared from the public eye, presumed lost to the annals of rock and roll history.

But like a phoenix rising from the ashes (or perhaps a particularly persistent hallucination), Rivers has reemerged, claiming to have spent the last five decades “jamming with interdimensional beings” and “composing symphonies on a celestial harp made of pure starlight.”

“Cosmic Crooning” is a testament to his otherworldly experiences, a ten-track journey through the cosmos, featuring songs with titles like “Lobster of Love,” “The Ballad of the Sentient Cactus,” and “I Met a Martian and He Stole My Socks.”

Here’s a track-by-track breakdown of this psychedelic smorgasbord:

1. “Lobster of Love”: A surprisingly catchy tune about a crustacean romance that ends in a tragic butter bath. Rivers’ vocals are surprisingly strong, considering he claims to have lost his voice to a singing black hole. (4/5 stars)
2. “The Ballad of the Sentient Cactus”: A poignant ballad about a prickly protagonist’s search for meaning in a desert wasteland. Features a surprisingly moving harmonica solo, possibly performed by the aforementioned sentient cactus. (3/5 stars)
3. “I Met a Martian and He Stole My Socks”: A funky, intergalactic romp with a catchy chorus and a surprisingly funky bassline, presumably played by a four-armed Martian bassist. (4/5 stars)
4. “Dancing with the Unicorns”: A whimsical waltz through a psychedelic meadow, complete with ethereal backing vocals from what sounds suspiciously like a choir of intoxicated fairies. (3.5/5 stars)
5. “The Day the Sky Turned Purple”: A psychedelic rock anthem about a meteorological anomaly that causes widespread panic and a sudden surge in the sales of purple umbrellas. (5/5 stars)
6. “Ode to a Lost Sock”: A melancholic lament for a missing sock, featuring a mournful kazoo solo and lyrics that delve into the existential angst of laundry day. (2/5 stars)
7. “Tea Party on the Moon”: A whimsical ditty about a lunar tea party with a cast of eccentric characters, including a talking teapot and a moon rabbit with a penchant for biscuits. (4/5 stars)
8. “The Intergalactic Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”: A spoken-word track featuring a rambling monologue about the perils of space travel, the importance of packing extra underwear, and the surprising popularity of polka music on Alpha Centauri. (3/5 stars)
9. “My Brain is a Pineapple”: A psychedelic freak-out that attempts to capture the experience of a mind-altering pineapple-induced hallucination. Features a chaotic blend of distorted guitars, backwards vocals, and the sound of a pineapple being repeatedly stabbed with a fork. (4/5 stars for sheer weirdness)
10. “Goodbye, Cruel World (I’m Off to Mars)”: A surprisingly upbeat farewell song about leaving Earth behind and starting a new life on the red planet. Features a catchy chorus and a rousing ukulele solo. (3.5/5 stars)

Overall: “Cosmic Crooning from the Astral Plane” is a wild, unpredictable, and often hilarious journey through the mind of a musical maverick. While some tracks are more coherent than others (we suspect Mr. Rivers may still be under the influence of those “experimental brownies”), the album is a testament to the enduring power of psychedelic music and the enduring weirdness of Reginald “Rainbow” Rivers.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars (for sheer audacity and entertainment value)