London, England – A flock of pigeons has taken a stand (or rather, a wing) against the perceived injustices faced by their kind, staging a raucous protest in Parliament Square today. Their demands? Gourmet croutons and fashionable eyewear.

The avian activists, seemingly organized by a particularly dapper pigeon sporting a miniature top hat and monocle (dubbed “The Duke of Wellington” by onlookers), descended upon Westminster this morning, their numbers and determination overwhelming security personnel.

“It was like something out of a bird-themed Monty Python sketch,” exclaimed a bewildered police officer, brushing feathers from his uniform. “One minute everything was normal, the next I was dodging a flurry of wings and being dive-bombed by pigeons demanding better snacks.”

The protest caused significant disruption, with Prime Minister Alistair Grimshaw’s morning jog interrupted by a barrage of stale bread crusts and demands for “croutons, not crumbs!” Leader of the Opposition, Lady Victoria Standish, found herself surrounded by a flurry of feathers and forced to relinquish her spectacles to a particularly stylish pigeon with an eye for accessories.

The pigeons’ demands, meticulously pecked onto a discarded newspaper and delivered by a swift-winged courier pigeon known as “Wing Commander Swift,” include:

• The immediate upgrade of all public park bird feeders with a selection of gourmet croutons, seasoned with a variety of herbs and spices.
• The provision of complimentary monocles for all pigeons, citing the need to “enhance avian visual acuity and cultural appreciation.”
• The creation of a “Department of Pigeon Affairs,” dedicated to addressing the needs and concerns of the pigeon population.

Negotiations are underway, with a team of ornithologists and avian behavior experts attempting to communicate with the feathered protesters.

“We’re aiming for a peaceful resolution,” explained Professor Theodore Plumtree, a renowned expert in pigeon communication. “However, deciphering their complex system of coos, wing flaps, and head bobs is proving quite the challenge.”

As the protest continues, the nation watches with a mix of amusement and bemusement, wondering how this unusual avian demonstration will unfold. One thing is certain: these pigeons have made their voices (or, rather, their coos) heard, leaving the government in a flap and injecting a dose of the absurd into the political landscape.