In a scene that could only be described as a Jackson Pollock painting gone rogue, local artist Barnaby Brushstroke launched a one-man protest against consumerism yesterday at the grand opening of “DIY Depot,” a new mega-store boasting “everything but the kitchen sink, and we’ve got a sale on those too!”

Brushstroke, renowned for his evocative portraits of garden gnomes and his signature crimson beret, stormed the fluorescent-lit aisles armed with his latest masterpiece, a rather abstract piece entitled “The Existential Dread of Discount Drills.” Witnesses report a glint of righteous fury in his eyes, a stark contrast to the cheery pop music blaring from the store’s PA system.

“He just marched right in, past the pyramids of potpourri and the flashing neon signs advertising ‘50% off sealant,’” recounted Mildred, a pensioner perusing the selection of bird feeders. “Then, with a roar that would make a walrus wince, he launched that canvas right at the paint display!”

The resulting eruption of colour was, ironically, rather beautiful. Tins of “Suburban Sunset” and “Oceanic Breeze” hurtled through the air, splattering against bewildered shoppers and creating an impromptu (and rather pricey) art installation.

“It was like a unicorn had exploded,” remarked Dave, a DIY enthusiast who had nipped in for some sandpaper and a tube of caulk. “Though, I must admit, it did clash terribly with my new overalls.”

Brushstroke, amidst the chaos, delivered an impassioned speech about the perils of consumerism, the insidious creep of “stuff,” and the soul-crushing weight of endless options. His words, however, were somewhat drowned out by a rogue tin of “Electric Emerald” that had landed squarely on his head.

Security guards, initially stunned by the unexpected performance art, eventually tackled Brushstroke, who was dragged from the premises, still ranting about the “oppressive regime of two-for-one offers” and the “inherent emptiness of novelty toilet brushes.”

The incident has ignited a firestorm on social media. Some praise Brushstroke’s artistic audacity, while others condemn his methods, arguing that there are less destructive ways to express discontent.

“He could have simply penned a sternly worded letter to the manager,” suggested one netizen. “Or perhaps organized a flash mob with interpretive dance amongst the discounted patio heaters.”

Meanwhile, DIY Depot has remained resolutely silent on the matter, though an insider revealed that “staff are currently undergoing trauma counselling” and that “demand for industrial-strength cleaning products has gone through the roof.”

This artistic attack on consumerism has left an indelible mark, both literally and metaphorically. And while the debate rages on, shoppers at DIY Depot are encouraged to don hard hats and safety goggles, just in case inspiration strikes again.