In a move that has surprised the scientific community and amused the world in equal measure, China has launched a dating app exclusively for pandas. This desperate measure comes in the wake of the species’ alarmingly low libido and a reproductive rate that can only be described as glacial.

Pandas, it seems, are simply not interested in pandas. Their notoriously low sex drive, coupled with a digestive system seemingly designed to thwart any romantic notions, has led to a worrying decline in their numbers.

“It’s a classic case of ‘he loves me, he loves me not’,” explains Dr. Mei Li, a leading panda researcher. “Except with pandas, it’s more like ‘she’s eating bamboo, she’s still eating bamboo, she’s definitely not interested in me’.”

The app, aptly named “Bamboo Meets Bamboo”, aims to connect pandas across various reserves and zoos in the hope of sparking some much-needed romance. However, the app developers have faced unique challenges. “Claws and touchscreens don’t exactly go hand in hand,” admits lead developer, Wang Jian. “We’re hoping voice activation will be the key, although deciphering panda mating calls is proving to be a challenge in itself.”

Previous attempts to encourage panda procreation have met with limited success. “Red wine, candlelight, even Barry White serenading them on a loop – nothing seems to work,” laments Dr. Li. “They’re more interested in the quality of their bamboo than the prospect of a mate.”

While the scientific community remains skeptical, there’s a glimmer of hope that this digital intervention might just do the trick. After all, in the world of love and pandas, it seems, anything is possible. Even if it’s just a swipe right to save a species.