In a shocking turn of events that has left the music industry reeling and tweens everywhere clutching their unicorn plushies, pop sensation Ricky “Sparkle” Starburst has been exposed as… a real singer. Yes, you heard that right. The man behind such chart-topping absurdities as “Glitter Rainbows Exploding in My Heart” and “Unicorns Riding on Dolphins in Space” has been caught red-handed possessing actual vocal talent.

The scandal broke during a live television interview (because apparently, those still exist) when a faulty microphone betrayed Sparkle’s carefully constructed facade of digital enhancement. For a fleeting moment, the world heard the unfiltered, un-Autotuned voice of Ricky Starburst, and it was… gasp… melodic.

Faced with mounting pressure and the threat of losing his lucrative endorsement deal with a major brand of sparkly lip gloss, Sparkle took the unprecedented step of confessing his “sin” on live television. “It’s true,” he sobbed, his perfectly coiffed hair trembling, “I can actually sing. I’ve been hiding it all along, afraid that the world wouldn’t accept me for who I truly am.”

This revelation has sent shockwaves through the entertainment world, with experts questioning the very foundations of the pop music industry. “This changes everything,” declared music critic Simon Cowell-alike, his surgically enhanced eyebrows furrowed in concern. “If fans discover that other artists can actually sing, the entire system could collapse.”

This isn’t the first time Sparkle has found himself embroiled in controversy. He has previously shocked the world by:

• Remaining scandal-free in his personal life: No leaked sex tapes, no drunken brawls, not even a single paparazzi shot of him picking his nose. The utter lack of salacious gossip surrounding the star has left tabloids scrambling for material.
• Refusing to partake in the rock-and-roll lifestyle: Sparkle has repeatedly baffled interviewers with his clean-living habits, preferring herbal tea to tequila shots and early nights to after-parties. Rumors persist that he spends his weekends knitting and volunteering at animal shelters.
• Actually being alive: Unlike some of his contemporaries who have been rumored to be dead and replaced by holograms, Sparkle has consistently proven his corporeal existence by showing up in person to events and occasionally sneezing.

The question on everyone’s lips now is: will Sparkle’s career survive this shocking revelation? Will his fans forgive him for his deception? Or will he be forever branded a traitor to the Autotune generation? Only time will tell. In the meantime,one thing is certain: the world will never hear “Rainbow Unicorns on Roller Skates” the same way again.